A lot of things have been going on my mind lately. I wonder if it’s because I don’t know where my life is heading right now…? I hope not. I wish I knew what I want to do with my life. I think because of the stress of not knowing, makes me want to avoid everything else…..I’m not making any sense right now. Last night at my friend’s 21st bash, i wanted to drink until all the troubles and pain are over…. Wish life was easier than it really is. I think it’s just me thinking that it’s hard… but not really it’s not. *sigh* I’ve caused enough drama for myself already….
Just a few minutes ago I got myself into a small argument with my boyfriend. And what about? Let’s not even go there… It’s all of the same stuff over and over. And in my head i’m thinking, “why even bring it up Kirt?”… you know it’ll just end up in disaster… and ending up blaming myself (which I know i shouldn’t do)— a habit. 😦
Ross…. I love him very much… and i’m glad he’s in my life. My boyfriend… my partner… my love… my bestfriend… and my baby boi… He’s pretty much my everything.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that… I’m aching on the inside, and I want more TLC. Am I being selfish? Seems like it huh… I can’t help it. I just need a little bit more love right now.
I’m glad I could write these things on here because not a lot of people read this / even know about it.
I’m not being selfish.. I’m just being the “Kirt” I am… (an overly sensitive being)– unfortunately.
There are days when you feel like crap. Days when you just wanna sit alone, look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, “Why?” (or just blankly stare at yourself). That’s what I felt this morning when I got out of bed. I didn’t have a bad dream or anything (not that I recall), it just happened to be that way.
Maybe it’s just my mind f’n with me. Maybe it’s just my head. Maybe it’s what I’ve been seeing. All these emotions are shoved into my mouth, then my heart, my guts, and my brain. Most of the time it’s a negative energy/emotion. These are very tricky and hard to forget, and plus they hurt too. I end up tearing up since I’m so emotional. It’s crazy. Sometimes I realize I don’t want to be alone. I want someone there… not to talk, but just a hug. (and a pat on the back). It’s not going to happen since it’s mornin’ and no one’s home. My other half just went to work.
Why must these emotions kick in right now? Early in the morning… really? *sigh*
When people are weak, they lose their minds and end up giving up the only thing they’ve got…LIFE. Today, I found out from my boyfriend that his friend died a few days. It wasn’t some accident or some illness. It was something worse than the two combined — suicide. He shot himself… [bang] Dead.
It’s sad how people think of suicide as a way of escape. Not only does suicide hurt yourself, but it also hurts other people around you. Family, relatives, close friends, ex lovers, and people who just know you suffer so much (you wouldn’t even know). Why settle with dying and ending everything in your life, when you can always seek for help? An old friend of mine almost committed suicided but she was smart enough to reach out to her friends and lead her towards the other way and save herself. (Thank goodness she did.) If you feel something’s not right call out to someone, reach out, and seek help. Suicidal thoughts should be out of the question! One must cherish life no matter how hard life gets. Give it your all, don’t be weak, stay strong and just keep your head up.
Even though I don’t know the guy who just died a few days ago, I feel the pain of his family, and his close friends.
It hurts. Suicide is a no no.
The joy of blogging. I stopped doing this years ago and I think it’s time for me to start doing “IT” again. I’m not really a writer, but hey let’s give this a shot. Maybe people will actually read the stuff I post.
It’s 2011! And it’s time for something new! *dramatic music*
Life feels great when a new year is starting. At least that’s how I feel. The only thing that bugs me the most about the new year is that people make up these unrealistic New Year’s resolutions that end up being trash. Come on people! “I’m gonna start heading to the gym—that’s my New Year’s resolution!” Yeah right. after 2 or 3 weeks, you’re done. Haha. I guess it’s a form of motivation for some people. Sometimes it just doesn’t work tho. It’s all for fun.
Happy 2011 everyone.